Over Before It Started

I went to a Christmas party and met a nice guy. Rather quiet but funny, tallish and built like a horse. Oh and did I mention he looks the spitting image of White House spokesman Robert Gibbs? Not terribly attractive [or at all] but we're just playing, nothing serious. We'll call him Robert, just to be fun.
Robert lives in Ogden. Robert is unemployed. That's two strikes so I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Robert calls and wants to take me to dinner Monday night, but I can't because I'm going to FHE (walking around temple square in 19 degree weather), I suggest lunch. We go to Jason's Deli for soup, chat and have an all-around nice time. Drops me off at work.

Not 3 hours later I get a text asking to do lunch again tomorrow. Sure I say, I'm always up for a luncheon, I get rather lonesome in my office. Expecting to have to pay for lunch I am surprised when he whips out his card again to pay for lunch. Ah yes, he just picked up his unemployment check so he's in the money. We sit down at our table and I think to myself "Self, isn't that the same shirt he wore yesterday? Naw, I'm sure it must be a similar style but not the exact shirt. He's almost 30, grown ups don't do that anymore." Again I am dropped off to my work.

Here's when it starts getting strange [but tell me you weren't speed reading to get to this part]. This morning I get a call from Robert. Now Robert, being unemployed and loving it, doesn't wake before 10:30 or 11am most days. How did he call me at 7:45? When I call back at 11:45am I've woken him from sleep. I say how surprised I was to see he had called so early.

"I was just getting back."
Back from where, I think. "Oh, late night?" I ask, with slight jealousy. I don't want him, he's ugly but I still don't want a hussy moving in on my lunch-date sugar daddy.
"Yeah, but I didn't have fun. Can I take you to lunch today?"
I think to myself: 1. if you didn't have fun, why stay out until almost 8am doing it? 2. what can you even be doing at 4 or 5 or 6am in Ogden anyway and 3. where can I make him take me to lunch.

I agree and we go to Fazzoli's. It's freezing so we leave our coats on. About half way through and I kid you not, he took off his coat and there was the shirt. I stare in disbelief. I get a squint in my eye and say, "Can I ask you something?" He knows what I'm about to ask. He looks down, hopefully in shame but you never can tell about boys. Before I can finish my question he says over our breadsticks and spaghetti, "you want to know if this is the same shirt I wore for the last two days". "It's been three days" I correct him.

Then to my shock and horror he admits it. He had a late night and didn't have time to change. I remark that it doesn't take more than 3 minutes to put on a new shirt. Then I feel sick to my stomach. Wait a second... if you haven't changed your shirt in 3 days then you haven't changed your underwear or showered... IN THREE DAYS!!!

I seriously almost vomit. We leave immediately. He thinks I'm overreacting. I say "do NOT call me again, even if you do develop better personal hygiene practices. You are SO not worth it" and stalked to my office where I will continue to shudder off and on for the next 2 hours.

All I Want for Christmas...

is for my cramps to go away. I hate being a girl. Not a nice Christmas gift to myself.

FHE in SLC

For Family Home Evening tonight, we're meeting at the Delta Center (aka Energy Solutions Arena) for a Christmas carol sing-a-long with Jon Schmidt. Hello that is going to be awesome! I love living in Utah.

Follow up on the sing-a-long:
Disappointing. The entire stadium was full and we could barely squeak out a decent Jingle Bells. Everyone knows that one! We left after the Jon Schmidt half-time show. Of course he played his awesome mashup between Coldplay and Taylor Swift {see it here and love it}which was phenomenal and we decided to leave on a high note.

The only good thing was we got free tickets to Bees games, Jazz games, coupon for hot dog, drink, and popcorn at the Delta Center and a couple other coupons. Score!

Game Night + Date Night

GAME NIGHT:
Last Friday was game night. When I first started going to the singles ward in Bountiful I learned they hang out together frequently and do game night every once in a while. What better way to get to know a lot of people from the ward in a casual setting {Honestly, it's hard to make friends in Sunday school when you are supposed to be quiet}.

The best part of game night was the night before cleaning. James had wanted to hang out and I told him I would be cleaning up, getting ready, and doing some shopping. He offered to help. So he helped me get everything ready for a party I didn't invite him to! I am terrible but I didn't want him there.

So Clary and 4 other girls showed up right at 8 {thankfully} and I started making rootbeer floats, then more people came, then more and more. At one point I was near the front door and 5 or 6 people walked in that I had never seen before. "Do I know any of you?" "No, we're friends of Mary" they reply. "oh" I say nodding my head, mulling this over. "Who is Mary?" "She's friends with Connie". AH, now I see. "Well, come on in, please don't steal anything. Do you want a rootbeer float or some apple pie?"

We had skip-bo, scrabble, nertz, guillotine, tons of Uno, and Rockband going all night. Most people were gone by midnight but there were three hardcore Rockbanders left until 1am. That was some serious gaming. Overall I think it was a success. I just need to get my parents out of the house again so I can have another game night or a movie night.

DATE NIGHT:
A lady in my family ward set me up with her step-son. Tom (not Burger Boy Tom - a new one) is 36, divorced with 2 kids, and if we're going to be honest, a little crabby. Let me paint a picture for you. Picture this, Becka is so excited for a date she goes out a buys a new outfit from Banana Republic and Gap. She dons her new duds, applies the makeup, flat irons her hair, and puts on the sassy shoes. She opens the door and there's a midget on her front step.

Ok not a midget but he's short. Like barely 5'8" and in my sassy shoes with 3" heels I'm taller than him. To make it even funnier he has a HUGE truck {compensating for something eh?} which I have to get a running start to literally jump up into.

We have dinner at the parents house with another 12 couples from the ward and then we're off to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert with Natalie Cole. It was pretty good but he was dozing off through most of it. That's all I'm going to say. He dropped me off and that was that. But at least I got a new outfit from the date.

Fudge-athon

Last night I went to Erin's house for a fudge-athon. It was supposed to be seven flavors of goodness but only ended up being 4 with two duplicates: toffee, almond joy, plain, and peppermint.

These girls are seriously the funniest people I've met, it's like they're all doing a stand-up comedy hour. And the best part is they think I'm funny too. Gosh I love this new ward. There is absolutely no one to date but the girls are fantastic. And that's what I need right now. Girl friends. Men, I'll take them as I get them, but these girls are always doing something.

Anyway, while we were sitting around the table talking somehow Bregg came up in conversation. I told them my fantastic stories about his craziness and advances. Turns out the guy rolled his car when he was 17 and has a couple screws loose! I felt so bad! Here I was totally bad mouthing the guy and he was in a severe accident. I am such a wench!

Luckily they all jumped in saying they were in the same boat a while ago. Truly (yes her name is Truly, her sister is Shirley) gave him gum and he was practically grabbing her boob and licking her. Stephanie was nice enough to talk to him for a while and he wanted to make out. Evidently he has no boundaries but does well when you bluntly say, "Bregg that is not ok, step back."

Moral of the story, steer clear of horny guys after they've been in accidents.

[I'll post about game night that was a success and date night - I just thought the Bregg thing was awesome]

Follow up from the last post

I wanted to share with all of you how my luck works. I meet a guy. I am not interested. He is. He sends ridiculous texts. I post them. You all snicker and tell me that it made you laugh and that I should hang in there.

Here we go...

The following is the text from Tom that I received this morning {please read about my date with Tom to see why this is just keeping with the way things happen for me}

"Hey Becka - I just wanted to tell you - you are unlike any woman I have ever met, and I like it :) have a great week, would you? ;)"

Would I? Really? Oy la la... it's like Bregg all over again!

Adventures with Burger Boy and Sassy Girl

In my search for a singles ward I liked, I attended the Westminster ward in Salt Lake. It's a student ward my dad heard about through a friend in the bishopric. We met in a BEAUTIFUL building with stained glass windows and lovely artwork in the chapel. Why don't more of our meeting houses have stained glass windows? This ward had about 280 active members and I met only a handful of people in the month I attended. One of them was Tom.

Tom is Burger Boy. He looks like the Bob's Big Boy statue in front of those old restaurants, but without the adorable pompadour on top.
Unfortunately Tom is the only guy who approached me and asked me out. I look at this as practice. I can go on dates but don't have to date him. Work on making small talk with people I normally wouldn't interact with. {I'm working on a nice refusal, how does "It's sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested" sound? Too mean?}

I do my best to be unattractive without embarrassing myself for our lunch date. We go to El Matador and have mediocre Mexican food while listening to an oldies station. We talk about school, work, family and then delve into a lengthy temple discussion. The ironic thing is I was going out with this guy who wanted to have more deep conversations like that but it wasn't comfortable with him. With Burger Boy, it was nice. I hate that you can connect with someone and be so incredibly unattracted to them. I mean, his teeth look like kernels of baby corn... and they're gappy.

Come on universe. Throw me a bone! I am not hideous but I'm not hot. Can I get one of the same caliber as myself? *gasp* What if Burger Boy is my equal! This is when Sassy Girl gets on her rant of how she is not that ugly, sure she has a kink in her hair that won't straighten and larger pores on her nose than she'd like, and her thighs are a little meatier than she'd care for but come on! Burger Boy?! Seriously?

The date reminded me of a joke I used to tell in high school that has come back to haunt me. Men are like parking spaces. The good ones are already taken. The ones that are left are all handicapped.

PS - I'm hosting game night next week, should be a good post!