General Conference

I'll be singing in the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference this weekend. I'm wearing a plum colored shirt. My seat is in the sixth row, 5 seats to the right of the aisle between the women. My lady friend Sheila will be in purple sitting next to me.Tell me if you see me. I am so excited!!

Victory is mine!

Last night at Institute we approached some guys and it went well. Granted it took almost 20 minutes of milling around to work up the courage. Ashlee and I stood there trying to look available and approachable, which was unsuccessful [I think I need to practice in front of a mirror] to our dismay. She suggested we sit in the lobby and hope someone will strike up a conversation as they're walking out the door. I didn't particularly like the idea but was tired of waiting in the pheromone-infested chapel.

Just as we are sitting down we notice the two guys who sat behind us walking out the door. I frantically look to Ashlee, "should we go talk to them?" She asks what we'll say. In a blind dash I say over my shoulder, "I don't know what we're going to say but we are going to go talk to them, grab your purse!" We walk up to them, catch their eye and luckily they started up the conversation.

Austin: You were the girls sitting in front of us, right?
Me: Yep, you're the guys sitting behind us [silence and internal wishing for a backspace button]
Me: [trying to make up for the last DUMB comment] where are you guys off to?
Aaron: Home, we live in West Jordan.
Me: We were about to head to Gourmandise, would you like to join us?
Austin: I'd love to but he's driving so it's up to him.
Aaron: I've got an early day tomorrow, I can't. But can I get your number?

So it went well. For our first effort I'd give us a B-, marking down of course for two truly retarded comments by myself and for them not accepting the invitation.

AND
Update on the last bold move when I threw myself at that guy: I was at his house Tuesday night to do the intro, he finally called back and left a message on Sunday with the info about the class I already go to. Didn't say talk to you later, didn't say call me sometime, didn't say nice to meet you. He signed off, and I quote, "Have a good Sabbath". Hmmm...
So I called him back on Wednesday and left a message for him saying thanks for the information on the class, I was hoping to see you there, PS - I'd like to thank you for your help, can I take you out to ice cream or something.
He called back the next Sunday and left a message which basically said, I know you were trying to ask me out and I'm not going to really acknowledge it but just shoot you down by saying 'I was just happy to help. But next time we have game night I'll call you.'

So there is good news, if/when they have game night he'll call. He's obviously dating someone, so I can be charming to all his friends and who knows what will happen next. I'm just looking for friends right now. Who needs to get serious, not I.

But what I need help on is conversation starters. Any ideas?
So far I have:

1. Hi I'm Becka. Who are you?
2. Were you sitting behind me?
3. What did you think of the class?
4. Would you do me the honor of being my post-marriage fling?
   

Officially

Finally, officially, I am single.

Woo-hoo!

All revved up, should have taken a sleeping pill

It's time for the weekly Institute Storytime. Everyone grab your carpet square, sit in the circle. Bobby, keep your feet to yourself. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby please sit criss-cross applesauce. Thank you.

Austin, will you please review what we heard last week please. We just left the two women exasperated by the idiocy of Larry the creep. They have decided they need to be more gutsy and begin conversations with people. Great. Everyone settle down, now we'll begin reading:

The class was the same, interesting ideas and thoughts about the "beasts" in Revelations chapters 4-6, let me know if you want the notes. Ashlee and I decided we'd sit near someone cute, fain newness to start up a conversation like "we're new here, is this the 25-30 year old class?" however it's hard to tell whom to sit near from the backs of their heads. We decide to sit in the middle on our own row so guys will sit near us. Worked like a charm, except, they looked inbred. No thank you.

Class ends without our plan going into action. We make our way to the snacks and attempt making eyes at people. Ashlee isn't a slouch, she has the body of a tween so I thought she'll be my bait. Flaunt her and guys will be knocking each other over to meet us. No such luck. She said before she could crack a smile, guys would look away. Hmmmm well maybe we need to grow a pair and just approach someone. That tall one looks cute, oh no, never mind. How about the gray hat over there? Not your type, ok. uhh ... welp...I don't know.

Just then Larry starts making his way to us. I grab Ashlee's elbow without a word and we start trotting away; he reaches out and touches her shoulder and says "great shoes" in hopes we will stay. Ashlee just yells over her shoulder, "I know!" and we're free. He glued himself to some other poor person. I decided if he tries that again, I'm going to have to start packing heat. Anyway, as we're there discussing what it is about us that attracts him like a moth to a flame, the one and only black guy comes up to us. We make small talk and Ashlee would not have it. She pulled the kid card. "I've got to get going, I have kids at home". He was gone so fast, I don't remember him saying good night or nice to meet you or anything.

We saunter a little further and who should happen upon us but {texting} Bregg. I had pointed him out to Ashlee earlier so she was ready for it. This is the second best part, he walks up and says "I know you don't I? You especially I think I know" as he points to Ashlee. HA! I think he only got out 3 sentences before Ashlee pulled the kid card again. Nice work! Totally bummed we leave.

This is when the story gets good (in my opinion). I drop off Ashlee and as I'm driving home I notice the blue light from a tv in a house up the street. The very first Sunday in the ward here in Bountiful there was a guy who spoke in sacrament meeting - he was single. He looked like my childhood sweetheart [Brad Parks] with black hair. Oh so interesting but he never came again. Turns out he goes to the 31+ Single Adult ward and I was sent to Primary immediately so I never saw him again. Every time I drove by I'd wonder what he was like, where he worked, etc etc.

I saw the tv lights. He's home. Maybe I should stop by. What would I say, pretend I was looking for someone else? I whip around, determined to have success with a man this evening. I rang the doorbell and lied. Maybe not lied, but I didn't tell the full truth so I wouldn't look crazy.

I said, "I'm Becka, I just moved in with my parents (almost 10 months ago) and their first Sunday in the ward you spoke, and I don't know how to say this tactfully, you mentioned you were single. I just got back from Institute and wanted to know if you go to one or if there's a ward I should be going to. I went to the Bountiful institute class (also about 10 months ago) and it was all 18 and 19 year old kids." He invited me in, mentioned he goes to the older single adult ward and he thinks there's an institute class at the U. He asked for my number to give me the information he finds. He remembered my name without being prompted or asking for the first letter. And I know I saw one of those looks where you're trying to size up the person you're talking to.

Let me tell you, I was on fire. I was witty, friendly, and just dripping with charm. I got home so revved up I couldn't sit still. I should have taken a sleeping pill because man alive, I couldn't sleep to save my life. I wonder when he's going to call. If he'll call just to let me know about the class I'm already attending. Oh my gosh, I haven't had anything so exciting going on for the last year, I'm all agog. Simply agog.

Second verse, same as the first

*read as a play*
The scene is the Institute building at the University of Utah campus. A lovely 80 degrees at 7:10pm. Two women are walking towards the building, chatting about the religion class they will be attending. They are both wearing sunglasses.

Enter women stage right. They are startled because there are a ton more people attending the class tonight than last week. Excited about the prospects they grab a seat in the middle. They try to listen intently while the teacher, who is knowledgeable and full of stories, takes so many tangents in the lesson it's hard to remember what they were talking about in the first place.

The class ends. Cue all students in the hard chairs standing and stretching, maybe a few crack their backs while others pat their bottoms. Cue choreographed chair stacking dance, then saunter as sexily as possible to the snack shack. The women stop dead in their tracks. Applesauce cups, oh ew.

The two women are standing near a stack of chairs. There are more than a hundred people surrounding them, all chatting away with people they know. Some mill around looking for someone to meet. And then....freeze frame... she sees him. The creep Larry from last week.

"oh crap" the woman yelps as she tries to duck behind her smaller friend.
"Ignore him. Don't look at him, maybe he won't see us or remember us." says the friend. There is more furtive looking in the opposite direct. Straining the eyes to make it seem like they were trying to find one person out of the group.

Enter weirdo from last week from stage left; cue internal cursing and a roll of the eyes from the women. "Are you holding these chairs up?" *pause* "you've got your arm on them so the chairs don't run away." More internal cursing from the women. "Can I get your name, or is that not okay?"

With a burst of exasperation, the woman says, "you met me last week."
"Oh I don't remember that. What does your name start with? Give me the first letter and I'll guess it."

Visual aggression is shown in the woman while the other has remained turned away from the conversation. The woman notices her friend who previously offered to be the one to give the creeps the boot has chosen silence in hopes he takes the hint. The woman has learned these kind of guys do not take the hint. She looks back at the guy and says firmly, "no".

They stare at each other; him waiting for her to laugh and say just kidding and her waiting for him to leave. If she were on 'the Office', she would be looking at the camera right now. After at least 10 awkward second, she turns to the friend and says, "let's get out of here. My evening is ruined."

[this story is made possible by the letters L-A-M and the letter E. Had he not shown up, there would have been no post. This story is now being made into a Broadway play entitled "I'm a Magnet for Them". ]